The Weirdest Job at the Olympics Might Also Be the Best One

Best Jobs at the Olympics is a biennial feature in which I determine which of the random jobs at the Olympics is the best random job at the Olympics. Some caveats: “Olympic athlete” doesn’t count; the job doesn’t have to be an actual paid job; and nominees need be neither human nor sentient in order to be considered. Read more of Slate’s 2026 Olympics coverage here.

Nominee: Kiss-and-cry companion

Where to find them: Milano Ice Skating Arena, during the figure skating events

Job description: Sit with skaters as they await their scores, cheer with them when they receive good scores, console them when they receive bad scores

Why this might be the best job at the Olympics:

You have a very important role! As the kiss-and-cry companion, you sit in the designated “kiss-and-cry” area with a figure skater who has just finished their routine, providing valuable companionship in the stressful moments while they await their score. You are like an emotional support animal but better, because unlike an actual emotional support animal you’ll probably get some sort of official Olympics gift bag.

Are you a nurturing person? If so, then kiss-and-cry companion is the Olympics job for you. If your skater feels bad about their performance, then you will comfort them by squeezing their leg, whispering affirmations into their ear, or handing them a stuffed animal to clutch. If the worst comes to pass and their score puts them out of contention, then you will really spring into action. You will hug them tightly and offer your shoulder to cry on. You will tell them to “just keep” the stuffed animal, even though it was your stuffed animal that you brought from home. You will be asked to sacrifice many cherished childhood possessions in your role as the kiss-and-cry companion.

This job can also be a jubilant one! If your skater does well, then you will get to join them in celebration. You will hug your skater and jump up and down beside them. You will perhaps engage in some finger-gunning or jazz-handing or maybe even a dance-y little two-step shimmy that’ll showcase your own talent for connecting technical elements with program elements. That kiss-and-cry companion has really got some moves, people will think. Your new fanswill circulate an online petition demanding that you be invited to compete on the next season of Dancing with the Stars.

You’re pretty much guaranteed to be on television as the kiss-and-cry companion, which makes this a great job for someone who craves the limelight. As arguably the most popular Winter Olympic event, figure skating always makes it to primetime, and the “kiss-and-cry cam” is a classic element of the broadcast. You’ll be on screen for at leasttwo minutes, and if you plan ahead, and ask the producers nicely, they might allow you to use part of that time to do a magic trick or engage the viewing audience with some sort of trivia question or riddle. You will be cheered for your efforts to break the tension in the kiss-and-cry area. You will single-handedly make riddles a thing again.

This job is the very best job at the Olympics if you happen to have a cold. Although the kiss-and-cry area doesn’t offer much in the way of creature comforts, there is always at least one amply stocked, strategically placed box of Puffs tissues within arm’s reach. You can use those tissues to blow your nose to your heart’s content—and if you run out of tissues, the Puffs brand reps will be more than happy to bring you some more. The kiss-and-cry companion is overcome with emotion because of their skater’s performance, viewers will assume. Thank goodness for that conveniently placed box of Puffs tissues! Your face will become inextricably linked with the Puffs brand, and you’ll be asked to join the Puffs street team. You will become very famous in tissue circles.

Why this might not be the best job at the Olympics:

Unfortunately for you, the job of kiss-and-cry companion sometimes involves wallowing in deep reservoirs of emotional pain.

Sometimes, there will be nothing you can do to make your skater feel better. At these times, you may find yourself overcome with frustration. As a companion, you will feel very much alone.

As the kiss-and-cry companion you will sometimes stare straight ahead, blankly, neither celebrating nor consoling. While you will get a special pink badge that says “Kiss & Cry,” over time you will find that it weighs you down. You will bridle at the fact that it does not conform to the Associated Press Stylebook. When you attempt to copy-edit your badge with a paint pen, you will be rudely informed that doing so has invalidated it. You will be escorted out of the kiss-and-cry area and deemed a “grammar nerd.”

Casual observers will not understand your plight, and they will deem you callous. That kiss-and-cry companion is neither kissing nor crying, they will say, and it will cause a minor scandal. You will be ostracized from the broader kiss-and-cry community. The Milan Cortina organizing committee will ask you to return your Olympics gift bag.

If you are neither a joyful nor an intuitive person, then this job would probably not be a good fit. In the moments when your skater needs you most, your stunted emotionality will render you incapable of joining them in either celebration or sorrow. On the other hand, if you are too touchy-feely in the kiss-and-cry area, then you will find yourself in a very different sort of trouble. Your efforts to provide tactile comfort will inspire online pundits to nickname you the “kiss-and-cry creeper.” Your skater will sever ties with you, and you will become a cause célèbre in the right-wing “manosphere.” You will appear on many podcasts devoted to getting “wokeness” out of sports.

As the kiss-and-cry companion, your skater’s glory will also briefly be your glory, and this reflective sensation will lead you down an ugly path. Viewers who perhaps haven’t been paying very close attention might momentarily mistake you for your skater. When, weeks later, those people approach you in the grocery store for an autograph, you will play along and pretend that you did indeed skate in the Olympics. Big mistake! You will be indicted for stolen valor and tried by the Court of Arbitration for Sport. You will be banned from the 2030 French Alps Games, but on appeal you will be allowed to participate as an Individual Neutral Kiss-and-Cry Companion.

Your stint on Dancing with the Stars will be short-lived and embarrassing. None of the other celebrities will know who you are, and your attempt to relive your brief moment of viral fame by expanding your dance-y little two-step shimmy into a full-fledged ballroom routine will fail miserably. The judges will call your dancing “cloying,” “inept,” and “better suited for an ice rink than a dance floor.” They will send you home quickly, and bloggers will deem you their second-least-favorite competitor in the show’s entire run, ahead of only former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

You will soon learn that tissue circles are mercurial circles. Your fandom will turn on you as soon as your cold clears up. You will desperately try to catch another cold in a frankly pathetic attempt to win them back, but your former fans will have already directed their attentions toward some famously weepy TikTok user, and they will deem you “cringe.” Your second cold will become pneumonia. You will try to get booked on pneumonia-related podcasts, but they will also deem you cringe.

How this could be a better job at the Olympics: The skater could take some time to console the kiss-and-cry companion for once!

Verdict: We judge our Best Jobs candidates on a 10-point scale across four separate categories. I’ll give the job of kiss-and-cry companion 2.75 out of 3 points for exposure, because you are on TV a lot and if you really nail it I’m guessing you could get a six-figure deal to write a memoir called I Kissed, We Cried: A Life in Figure Skating. 1.5 out of 3 points for enjoyability, because how good of a time you have is entirely dependent on whether your skater falls down. 2 out of 3 points for enviability, because Puffs are some high-quality tissues. And 0.5 out of 1 point in the category of “Does this job involve wearing a funny hat?,” because it doesn’t but it probably should. 6.75 out of 10 points for the job of kiss-and-cry companion. This is currently the best job at the Olympics.

Previous nominees for Best Jobs at the Olympics:
• Shaun White
• Drone